Grey and black and white (draft)

People are by nature fond of black and white. Grey makes us uncomfortable.
We are very happy when we can characterize someone as a "Good" person or a "Bad" person. It's hard for us to say that a person is a cruel humbug yet is also nice and caring.
It is also part of our natural emotional defense or coping mechanism that probably makes us think this way.
It helps us overcome a breakup by vilifying or even dehumanizing the erstwhile significant other rather than thinking oh - he/she didn't do me justice but was such a nice person otherwise. I guess one dimensional thinking has its uses.
I have somehow never been a fan of the black and white. Not that it came naturally but over time that is who I've become. Not that that's very helpful but I do know that I'd rather let a guilty man walk free than hang an innocent one.
This line of human behaviour may be more prevalent than we realize. I think the root of the problem is that we hate uncertainty. We love clear outcomes. One of the leading sources of stress is uncertainty as proven in numerous research reports. Say professional uncertainty - a company not providing a defined career path may lead to many sleepless nights for the new joinee in question.
When the consulting JDs state that a key criteria of hiring is - comfort in an ambiguous environment - I think what they are looking for is actually someone who is so uncomfortable with ambiguity that he/she is willing to do everything in order to provide structure to chaos.
Even though very few of us admit it, I think that we also like to have a world with exams than not. Exams are so black and white. You either know an answer or you don't. It's has a clear timeline (keeping aside surprise tests), clear outcome - you know your rank clearly and is easy to plan for. In our careers, we aren't always clear when to work harder - during appraisal time or during the beginning of the FY or during a high priority project or may be all through. We don't know which behaviour will lead to better rating et cetera.
If anything, the exams are a prototype or a simplified model of career or life in general.
Exams are black nad white.
Unfortunately (or fortunately) life is grey.

"I’ve been looking at what you’re doing and I think you’re in desperate need of change. … Even though success is a reality, its effects are temporary. You get hungry even though you’ve just eaten. … You’re happy with 50 percent? You’re on top, and you don’t have enough. You’re happy because you’re successful. For now. But what is happiness? It’s a moment before you need more happiness. I won’t settle for 50 percent of anything. I want 100 percent. You’re happy with your agency? You’re not happy with anything. You don’t want most of it, you want all of it. And I won’t stop until you get all of it. Thank you for your time."

-Don Draper, Mad Men.

Probably the slick-est sales pitch ever made

Footsteps

Footsteps

The sound of approaching footsteps.
Expectancy and trepidation.
A pregnant feeling - hope.
A desire - a  vision.
A smile.
Learning to discern.
A different sound - a broken heel.
A new style.
Learning to cope.
Footsteps.

Is someone else responsible for your happiness? (incomplete)

I came across this nice article sometime back.
The author asks a very simple question: He asked me: "Why do you think that another person is responsible for your happiness?"


The topic of the article was general causes of depression, getting over personal grief, etc.
The question though very basic is very pertinent because at least I have never thought about things like that.


Whenever I have had a fight with a friend, whenever someone close has passed away,, whenever something has gone wrong I have time and again gone back and somehow blamed myself. The point is not who was at fault. The point is whether some object, some person is really the cause of your true happiness.


While our friends do give us happiness, I believe that true happiness can come only form a content mind. Someone not confident in his own shoes, will always look externally for happiness. Tagore writes: "chokher aloy dekhechilem chokher bahire. Ontore aj dekhbo jokhon alok nahi re". It means that "I saw the world using my inner light. But cannot see inside myself, because there's only darkness"


The key, the author argues is 2-fold.
1. An elevated sense of self-worth and 
2. A personal purpose in life


I am a big believer in self confidence for I know the power of positive thinking. However, as Shakespeare once said, " I can easier teach twenty what were good to be done than be one of the twenty to follow mine own teaching". 
To keep that confidence and belief going in hard times is tough even for the brave hearted.

the shrinking ocean

When we are teenagers, our life seems like an ocean of possibilities - the different permutations and combinations that we can make of our lives. As we grow older, some of these combinations are annulled and the ocean shrinks to a sea or a river. A mature middle aged man may have just a pond of few choices left. A elderly man has but a pool, if at all.

Barbarians on the road

Someone just smashed my brand new car! Are people just going crazy? Barbarians.

Since I decided to stay back in Mumbai instead of taking up a lucrative offer in the dark continent, there has been a terror strike, a street fight with a hooligan and my car has been smashed. 

It could surely have not been worse in the Africas.

Confluence

I don't know if I want to write a lot. Guess I'd just ramble a bit. Finally it hit. After all these years, it happened. I knew the intensity. I was aware from what I had heard. But when it hit me, I was still taken aback But somehow I have stabilized. Actually that's not entirely true. Nights are generally good. Mornings are the real test.

I am in Cal for the weekend. Couldn't spend  my birthday and Holi in Mumbai.
Came home to friends and family. Well came home to parents actually. Just came home.

God, how it seems that life is just about 1-2 things.When this all started, I remember telling someone that "I am feeling like a teenager", Well now also I feel something like that. Didn't know I was so weak.

Well, on 2nd thought I amn't. I just took some time to realize the other good things in life. I wish I had Tagore around. Would head to the other house to get some of his work tomorrow. He has never failed me so far. I know he won;t in the future. Was just discussing Seser Kobita with Aru.
Came across this from Wiki:

"Even the theme was novel - after building up their affair and obtaining the blessings of Labannya's aunt, the lovers decide to marry other suitors, without the air of tragedy. In the text, the reason appears to be that they feel that daily chores of living together will kill the purity of their romance:

"Most barbarians equate marriage with the union, and look upon the real union thereafter with contempt.^[3]... ketakI and I - our love is like water in my kalsi (jug) ; I fill it each morning, and use it all day long. But Labannya's love is like a vast lake, not to be brought home, but into which my mind can immerse itself. ^[4]"

Isn't this just fabulous. Wonder how one man could have experienced all these emotions.

I don't understand friendship. How is that even possible? Strangely, I think I am going to be fine. It take s alot, but u can change feelings.

Hope tomorrow morning I don;t go back to being me.